Reflections of a Princess of Disaster
by dancingknight15
Summary: Takako's thoughts as she waits for Sasame. Oneshot


I was waiting on the sidewalk, a lone figure in the crowd of milling people. I felt like an insignificant being in an endless stream of busy bodies. People who had places to go. I still was adjusting to the movement—my own and others—after being stalled in time and space for sixteen years. It was disorienting for me each time I entered the city. Too much movement, too much noise…

I took out my tube of lipstick and my small mirror and placated my nervousness with a quick application. I rubbed my lips together and gazed into my mirror. Bright green eyes filled with uncertainty, contrasted with deep red lips. And too pale skin that spoke of frailty. Sighing, I closed the mirror. The sticker on the mirror caused me to pause. A girl and a boy leaning in towards the camera. A soft smile on his face—and surprisingly, a soft smile on hers as well.

The picture itself was too bright; everything had been too bright since my captivity. Day after day of endless darkness, no ability to distinguish between days, no peace of mind to dream…only anguish filled with solitude…and the growing anger that had nowhere to go but inward…

I put the mirror away and looked up at my surroundings again as a breeze tore through the square. My long black hair swirled forward, concealing my face for a moment. I should've worn it up, I thought, pushing my hair back behind my ears. But I was afraid of change…

A stream of girls in school uniforms walked past me. As I watched their skirts fluttering by, I felt a pang run through my chest. It had been so many years since I had attended high school and at the time, it had been a painful interlude of loneliness. My quiet disposition had kept me from making any friends, and my stellar grades had isolated me even further. Maybe if I had not been so diligent, I might have been more accepted. But nothing short of perfection would have been acceptable to my mother.

My mother. I had not tried to learn of what had happened to her; I never spoke of my family with the Leafe Knights, so they did not know whom to contact when I…

The sound of laughter broke me from my reverie. A familiar female's laughter. I perused the crowd for the owner of the laughter. A girl with vivid pink hair and bright orb-like eyes. Himeno. I felt a shock of emotions flood through my system when I saw her—guilt, gratitude, and an uncomfortable anxiety. What was it about my former adversary that still set me on edge?

I had my answer moments later. A long, dark-haired teen joined Himeno's side, his face unsuccessfully hiding his happiness. A smile, not of pity, but of true pleasure and eyes that sparkled with contentment—had he ever gazed at me that way? I tried to think back, but found my memories blurred and lost.

I no longer could remember what the Hayate I had fallen in love had been like. I could no longer remember his gentleness towards me. My most lucid memories of him always included Himeno. They were inseparable, almost as if they were two parts of a whole. Even their banter drew them closer. They were free and innocent, not trapped in the shadows as I still was.

And that fact alone awoke jealousy afresh inside of me. I had wanted that happiness—I had deserved it, after everything I had gone through during high school and as a pretear—but unlike Himeno, I had been denied it. What had been lacking in me at the time?

I continued to gaze at Hayate, and felt a familiar ache. As Himeno wrapped an arm around his, I understood. Regardless of my fading memory, I knew that I could not completely let go of my feelings for Hayate. He had been the first one I had trusted enough to let him in, the first who had inspired me to become stronger and fight the circumstances around me.

I had stood up to the girls who were bullying me, I had stood up to my mother and I had stood up against the demon larvae. And I had won. But I had lost when it came to Hayate. I could never hope to win against Himeno, whose very light and selflessness drew the Leafe Knights toward her like a magnet. She was their strength, their glue, and their true princess.

And I was the one left behind.

I continued to gaze at Hayate, I felt the urge to reach out to him, to make my presence known. But I held back. I needed to let him go, to wish for happiness for him. Happiness that I could not give him myself. I bit my lip and tried in vain to tear my gaze away from him. But even the effort to do so undoubtedly tore at my core.

I closed my eyes and felt the sting of tears. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I knew I should have come later. In my anxiety of making it on time, I was always early—and being alone in such a large city square only served to make my anxiety worse.

I clutched my purse closer to my dress. It was a frilly, old-fashioned dress that served its purpose in concealing any physical attributes of mine. I was not bold like Himeno to display so much skin. I was not confident of my body. I preferred to be covered with as much decoration as was sensible. I checked my watch again. Still another ten minutes to go.

I looked around to see if Hayate and Himeno were still around, but found the square almost abandoned. Panicked at the sudden change, I opened my purse to pull out my lipstick once more. The sudden vacancy sent a tremor through my frame. I pulled my sweater closer to my body, as the realized chill became an actual one. I began to feel frozen once more—frozen in time and alone—frozen in my own past.

The sound of footsteps broke me from my spiraling thoughts. I snapped my head up and found my eyes greeting a pair of warm, violet eyes.

"Did I keep you waiting long?" he asked, a soft smile on his perfect features. I shook my head, finding myself unable to speak. I looked down, unable to meet his intense gaze.

"Takako?" he asked, leaning towards me. His deep voice, directed at me alone, calmed the anxiety that had filled my thoughts until now. I could feel his gentle attention wrapping me like a blanket, providing the warmth that had been all but gone moments before.

He was the one who had loved for me in the shadows all these years—who loved me as I was. He loved the weak, the selfish and the ugly parts of my soul, and he embraced them with a patience that I could not understand.

My mind flashed to the day he had removed his earpiece symbolizing his loyalty to the Leafe Knights. The way he had been willing to throw away everything for my safe. I did not understand him then. I had never been shown such unconditional love before, and his actions had only left me with more distrust. I had used him as a tool, and he followed me, knowing full well what I was doing. He put up with my abuse. He embraced loneliness away from the Leafe Knights and harmed Mawata, all to prove his love to me.

I still could not understand it. Not that I distrusted him anymore; I would never forget the moment he had died for my sake. His blood soaked clothing, his fading and gentle voice—and the moment he could no longer maintain his body—were permanent reminders of my sin. Of the fact that I did not deserve his affections.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and felt another surge of warmth, which displayed itself on my cheeks. He chuckled at my reaction, and the sound of his laughter brought a small smile to my lips as well. To hear him happy brought me happiness as well. It was as simple as that.

I looked up and met his gaze, my heart filled with gratitude simply for the fact that he existed. I lifted a hand and stroked his hair to confirm that he was truly there—that he was not a figment of my imagination. I saw his eyes go wide in surprise. Shocked by my own audacity, I pulled my hand away. He stopped me in mid-action by wrapping his own broad hand around my slender one and pulled my hand to his lips.

The brush of his lips on my hand sent a shock down my arm, and I visibly trembled. His smile widened. Was he teasing me? He was fully aware of how every movement of his affected me so, yet he was not holding back. I half expected him to pull out a bouquet of roses at this rate.

Not that I blamed him for taking every opportunity to display his affection. He had spent sixteen years hiding his feelings, bound my duty as a Leafe Knight. And before then, my affections towards Hayate were not easily missed. And he continued to conceal his feelings—this idiotic Knight of Sound.

And I knew what I wanted to do. Throwing caution to the winds, I wrapped my arms around his neck and said in what I hoped was a clear voice, "Thank you."

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for treasuring me. Thank you for rescuing me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for not abandoning me. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for being here beside me. And thank you for being the romantic fool that you are.

I did not say all these—my ability to be completely honest with my feelings had somewhat disappeared since my confession to Hayate—but I hoped that they were contained in the two words I had uttered. I knew that I could never truly describe in words how much he meant to me; words were his specialty after all.

But the way his gaze softened told me that he did understand. He leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips. A simple gesture eased my heart. I embraced him softly, hoping to never let him go.

For he was my Knight of Sound, for now and forever.


End file.
